ready
“Are you guys doing anything for Barry’s big day?” I asked my son, Jarrett about this momentous occasion, his best friend was turning 18. It was Saturday morning - well Saturday afternoon, about 12:30pm my still groggy son had just made his way to the kitchen for his breakfast - well brunch. Jarrett yawned, “Yeah, we’re going into the city.” It took a minute for the words to sink into my head, “Like New York City?” I asked sheepishly. Now, I knew that he meant New York City - one of the prime reasons we moved to Maplewood, NJ ten years ago was for the convenient 35 minute train ride to New York City - but this fine suburban feature was for my husband and I. It was NOT something I ever, even, thought my children (who were 7 and 4 at that time) would ever use on their own! Jarrett rolled his eyes and responded sarcastically: “yeah, mom Manhattan and we’re going on our own.” My brow furrowed as I followed him around the kitchen closing the drawers he kept leaving open as he was hunting for things to eat, “Well where are you going in Manhattan? What are you going to do?” Jarrett shrugged his shoulders, “I dunno, hang out.”
As Jarrett went to go eat & play video games in his basement lair - my husband entered the kitchen. I anxiously explained that I was not okay with the boys in Gotham City with bad guys looming at every corner! My husband, reminded me that we already crossed this hurdle last summer when Jarrett traveled alone to a film class in Tribeca. However, back then we had gone in with Jarrett quite few times and he traveled round trip on specific NJTransit trains - he wasn’t roaming around the great, big city with a bunch of boys just “hanging out.”
You see with Jarrett besides the “normal parental nerves”, you know those feelings that every parent has as soon as a child is born (that any calamity could befall your precious one when they leave your protected home), I have many special worries with Jarrett. It started as soon as he was born with meconium on his lungs (poop on his lungs). The hospital kept him in the NICU for a week and we couldn’t take him home. I remember when he was finally discharged, I reached for the large binder next to his crib. The nurse knocked my hand away, “What are you doing? Those are hospital records!” I was taken aback, “I thought it was the manual!” She scolded, “there’s NO manual for parenting. You’re your own…dear!”
I can laugh at that now, but Jarrett continued to concern us. After he ate a cookie when he was 4 we had to rush him to the doctor only to learn he would have a lifetime peanut and nut allergy. I still have to remind him to bring his Epi-Pen everywhere he goes.
Then there’s his age. You see my son has a September birthday and (as I bring up quite often) he just turned 17 while his friends are all now turning 18. Jarrett was born in Queens where the age to enter Kindergarten is “5 years-old by January 1. In New Jersey it’s October 1st. I was never good at math, but trust me it means that my baby is almost exactly, 12 months younger than everyone else in his high school graduating class. He’s thinner, smaller, absent minded and his bedroom looks like typhoon alley. I hope you can clearly see why I was really thinking he was not mature enough to galavant around Metropolis (let alone be ready for college in 6 months)!
Back on the 18th birthday, I really needed to KNOW what they were doing. About four hours into their excursion, it suddenly dawned on me that I had the capacity to spy on my son and his mates! Yes, the hundreds of dollars we spend each month, - thousands each year - are all worth it for “find my iPhone.” I picked up the phone while my husband joked, “maybe they’re at a strip club.” I looked at the dot, it was near Central Park, no strip clubs (that I know of) in the park. Wait a minute, the dot was inside a grand building. Could it be? They were at the Metropolitan Museum of Art! All the friends are taking AP, Art History and they decided to see some of the art in person! Later, once safely home, Jarrett told us, “It was between the Met or MOMA, but we figured the Met had more art to offer!” For dinner in the city they picked a nice Korean restaurant instead of the fast food I assumed they’d eat. Jarrett helped everyone navigate the subways since he had taken the class downtown and knew the subway better than the rest of his friends. I was and still am elated, but also dying a little inside about how they are all so much older so quickly.
Honestly, I tend to zoom in on all the kid like things Jarrett still does. I say to myself “he’s not ready.” But when I really think about it he has many grown up tastes in books and movies…art - and he’s better than I am at telling waiters in restaurants about his peanut allergy. Jarrett’s also the one who knows when I need him. I’ll just come back from visiting my own mom who is withering away in a Memory Unit and Jarrett asks, “how did it go?” And as soon as he spies any look of pain or concern on my face he comes over and gives me a big, hug before I can even answer. No one else in the family has those emotional instincts, the others wait until they see the tears come out.
Maybe my mommy anxieties are my way of keeping him dependent on me WANTING him to still NEED me. This is my kid who was playing Stuffed Animal City in his bedroom only a few years ago, or was it 10 years ago? He’s my first to go to college and… I’m the one who’s not ready!!